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[14 Dec 2009|02:34pm] |
i
don't
likee
shitty people.
why do they have to exist?
why are they allowed to be so fake and remain, in essence, real.
why does it have to affect me?
am i so much like my father that despite the best of me,
i only bring out the worst?
i've learned a lot from him.
like what not to do.
like always accepting your mistakes,
and further,
those of others, even if they can't see them.
does that cancel it out? maybe thats what im doing wrong.
however, could i possibly be in the wrong, always, alone?
i like to have faith in people,
but shit,
im not that dumb either
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| crutch. |
[05 Nov 2009|06:04pm] |
and over the years.
the only thing I've gotten good at,
scary good at,
is distancing myself from people.
should
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[28 Oct 2009|12:57pm] |
akwugfhkahgl
a challenge!
that im actually excited about!!
pRRRRRRinngggas kasjdgfkasg :D
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| blue december |
[11 Oct 2009|12:17pm] |
plus this video cracked me the fuck up
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[25 Sep 2009|03:40am] |
I miss cuddly morning sex
i miss staying in curling up next to each other to watch a movie
next to a warm pipa and coffee
i even miss having cold hands on the small of my back or an even warmer spot
damn this cuddleweather!
oh hwells
itll be nice once i get over it,
its fresh air anyway, ya know.
im thinking of dying my hair blue.
to match the weather, and my mood ;p
what do you think?
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| life |
[07 Sep 2009|01:39am] |
and when you know its shorter than your father
chrome and lines and lapse
-warm house, cold hands
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| epicly long post |
[10 Aug 2009|01:11pm] |
I keep waking up from my dreams like i havent finished something
like i was about to do something.
like that feeling you get when your trippin shrooms.
im happy? im content. a lot of it is thanks to my mom.
it hasnt been the easiest thing, but i stopped taking my medication a while back ago. I feel more myself now.
Just havent felt that way in a while, I feel like I need to go back to Mexico to refresh.
I fukn love Austin.
I kind of hate living in America.
Me siento gringa, y me deprime cuando mi familia me dice que lo sueno.
Lo que pasa es que no me siento gringa.
para nada
"he sometimes stands as close to you as a Mexican would"
that's what im talking about.
that voicing of your mind, putting it out there, and not attaching too much sentiment to it. (unless apropriate)
subject to interpretation, but it is what it is, all on it's own.
meh
my scheduale now is so dumb. I only had 12 hours this week. whatever the fuck thats about. i hate Landphil (our GM)
we've lost 2 of our coolest managers cuz of the prick. and he cant do his job for shit.
shit for brains
ill be scheduled for only 2 shifts on different days, each like 5/6 hours long. so ill be used to not working and doing my own thang.
and then BAM
sunday, i double and im there all fukn day.it drives me hysterical.
i guess i kinda like it now, cuz i feel like i own the place that sunday and i get to see pretty much everyone
or maybe im only say ing that cuz yesterday wasnt so bad.
Kasten and I were both subject to "the one that got away".
mine was this dreamy dude with a blue beanie. it had like little planets on it and i thought the guy was attractive, but ill be honest it threw me off. i imagined "oh hes probably just another whatever weirdo austin dude". but he took it off for a hot minute, and his dirty hair was all cute and messed up, some of the tips were bleached orange and purple, but most his hair was brown.
if anybody knows me, they know ive had all sorts of hair colors. usually when guys do it im not too into it. but this boy.. this man..
he had a cute beard and goatee thing too :[
i fukn love hairy guys
awe i wish i had gotten the balls to talk to him.
so alright after all that, i was still thinking to myself "oh hes probably a douche"
but then he stayed for a while reading his book.
HE WAS READING A BOOK.
that he carried with him, which in MY book, means you rather read than talk too people.
i wanted so bad to ask him what he was reading, where he worked (he looked like he had just gotten off), and why the fuck was he so god damn cute.
he probably has a gf, or i probably wouldnt like the way he spoke, or he probably, more than likely, is a Loser, cuz thats all i seem to attract/be attracted to.
but really,
i just think the guy was so dreamy. im afraid of mucking even that up. god im such a puss
i probably would have talked to him had i not told the whole crew how cute i thought he was and then all eyes were on me to make a move. ( that was before he took off his beanie, took out his book, aka took my heart)
we were all bunched around the cash registar area, pretty close to where he was sitting. i think we were alll staring at him haha.
i believe we had a moment before he left.
i shamelessly stared at him, and he looked back at us, but only sustained eye contact w me, and mouthed "thanks".
i melted in my panties right then and there.
hahah i love movie star crushes. maybe thats why i didnt wanna talk to him, if he really likes me, hell come back. like in the movies.
and then i worked w oscar for the first time, since the incident. it wasnt bad at all. it is just oscar
oh ya and i saw a guy break his ankle the at bicycle film fest, which was really cool. not the breaking of bones, the fest.
he tried to ride a wall of this ramp. and just fell straight down. seriously 7ft away from me, i just saw blood quickly oozing out. i almsot blacked out.
it was kinda cool
i hpoe the fellow gets lots of happy drugs out of it at least
anyway fuckit all to kingdom cum
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| Savage Tan |
[07 Aug 2009|01:54am] |
Oh my fullness
time to update some momentous photos that have been hiding in my phone.
which means they have survived my many drunken states.
like the time i woke up wondering why i had taken the battery out of my phone and left it out.
and like someone pressed play, i heard "QUick take the battery out!", and remembered reaching into the toilet (mine, at least, thank god) for my phone.
and that one time i left it at that guys house we met at the saloon.
dave the piercer, which is another story in and of itself.
really cool guy with a really awesome dog. american bulldog, pitbull something or other. Jeffe.
gosh and that one time i threw my phone in the wash.
man, i really shouldnt have a phone.
anyway photo time!
thanks to the kind folks at clowndogs;
I finally got my bike all built up. it took forever to paint! but well worth it and i got some really high quality parts, all half off. fuk ya! she's so fukn light, im in love
and so you may be wondering about the pee pad, well here is your explanation
My bundle of love Izzy!
she is half jack russel and pure love. mm mm mm
oh ya and i rescued her from the neighborly wicked witch of the... crack.
i sorta think she rescued me :x
i know ima cheesball.
then there was that freebirds party. too much fun. i was so drunk, i went into work the next day at 6 PM still kinda drunk, no joke. i cant remember quite a few details, but i do remember having a grand time. lol look at Rob dude, hahah everytime i see that smile gosh it makes ME feel happy. and that girl, with the beer on her forehead, thats my girl Jack. shes fukn awesome
and then there was that time that this snake was missing for 3 months or something crazy like that. they were going through their closet trippin acid when they found her. now thats gotta be a tripn a half.
thats the first time i ever got to hang out with a snake, i hope to have one, one day.
..idk how thats gonna work being that the love of my life is going to be a bird, but im sure we can figure something out.
and the one time i got to see the house of the people that own Uncommon Objects. it's awesome and pretty admirable how some people build their lives. this isnt even a taste of what their house looks like. but this is his art.
he find things, puts them in piles according to color. all the exact same color. and aranges them in washes and such.
pretty awesome if you ask me.
supposedly this baby was half wolf. perhaps. i hope so! either way he was beautiful. i think he mayyy have. he had pretty broad shoulders for such a young pup and pretty sharp cannines aswell. alls i know is that hes got the brightest blue eyes.
so thats it for now folks
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| best feel good song |
[24 Jul 2009|04:43pm] |
Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio, he moved a million hearts in mono.
Our mothers cried and sang along and who'd blame them.
Now you're grown, so grown, now I must say more than ever.
Go Toora Loora Toora Loo-Rye-Aye
and we can sing just like our fathers.
Come on Eileen,
I swear (well he means) At this moment you mean everything,
With you in that dress my thoughts I confess verge on dirty
Ah come on Eileen.
These people round here wear beaten down eyes
Sunk in smoke dried faces they're so resigned to what their fate is,
But not us, no not us we are far too young and clever.
Remember Toora Loora Toora Loo-Rye-Aye
Eileen I'll hum this tune forever.
Come on Eileen, I swear, well he means
Ah come on let's take off everything,
That pretty red dress Eileen (Tell him yes)
Ah come on let's, ah come on Eileen, please.
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[21 Jul 2009|05:08am] |
shes so gay
"hey thats not how brothers hug"
"im not your brother im a girl"
too bad i lost my phone
WTF WHY
;;edit
warrents some details.
creepy dude creepin on the girls. wanted to hug me, like hell i was gonna let him get his mitts on me
i got 5 high fives last night haha
such a good night
i like drunk people :]
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[29 Jun 2009|01:17pm] |
sweetie is sooo smart. she knows "needa go pee?" and her ears will perk up and she'll run to the door if she does. Then I ask her "Can we go now? are you done?" and she'll come if we can hahah
she also knows what "lets go" means
of course she also knows
"where's your ball"
"gimme your ball" means
my dogs better than your dog.
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[28 Jun 2009|11:32pm] |
its only when i dont want to do anything,
and i dont have anyone to do nuffin with that i feel lonely.
i used to feel like this all the time.
so i guess im getting better.
im exhausted from work and i probably smell like burritos and sweat.
but i'd really like to have someone to snuggle up with and watch a movie.
doesnt have to be romantic.
the feeling passes.
I know the next one, is going to be amazing
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[28 Jun 2009|04:02am] |
"I need something lucky to rub."- peg
"why dont you rub kelley? every guy that rubs her gets lucky"- bud
Married with Children
i think i saw the best episode at 4 or so the other night. Twas Double Trouble in Three's Company
I'm also really sad John Ritter isn't with usanymore.
and mitch hedberg
Now see, those are people to miss.
Michael Jackson was pimp, and influential
he certainly was a character
but like chill
jus another crazy pop star youll never meet
its cool whatever,
its awesome to pay your respects
but i just think its dumb
its not real
just so much hype
Specially since like he has been getting such a bad rep these last years. Now they immortalize him?
MJ alive- black man turn whit female pedo.
MJ dead- King
Oh tragedy, you are something to worship
Maybe it's just guilt.
Maybe it's just one of those, you never knew what you had untill you lost it deals
Maybe he was just really famous
whatever mangy, hope you're doing well.
maybe ill meet you in another life
and thanks for Thriller.
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[28 Jun 2009|03:13am] |
I see a pet adoption in the near future.
Sweetie needs a friend
Who knows what kind of friend.
I was thinking Lassie, an older dog though
pitbulls are so cute
they always look like theyre smiling and theyre so noble lookin
theyve really grown on me since I moved to austin
ferrets are cool.
I think sweetie needs a kitten.
and it'd be the only baby animal I would get
mmm..
babies
i forgot to mention
last week i fell twice
i dont want to forget because they were hilarious.
fall numero uno;
went to go help brooke frind parking with nicole and some dude we met at the party,
im walking faster than everyone else
then nicole points out a Herse
im real curious as is,
and add alchyhol,
you got a cat with 12 lives.
so i try to open the door, not really expecting it to open
it doesnt.
it does however light the inside of the car,
the window was down, and in the passenger seat was some man passed out
i think nicole started cracking up, so i booked it.
running back i ate shit hahah
but no one laughed!
i guess that means i have good frriewnds
asked me " oh no did you break your foot again? "
" just give me a second "
and layed on the grass laughin for a bit.
im afraid of a lip piercing, but i think i forget what high of a pain threshold i have
next,
im closing at work at ive got a couple of drinks in me.
Oscar tells me "ven paca"
and so i follow,
not thinking right, and trying to cut corners, i am pushing the mop right in front of me.
so of course i fell.
this time Oscar laughed,
and it made me feel better.
i simply sat on the floor, and pretended to meditate.
i really need to stop running when im drunk
::EDIT::
Would also like to add,
an incident involving various frying pans over my head, which I pulled some crazy tricks to catch. But certainly did
however. the accidents still out weigh the incidents haha
not so much anymore though
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[25 Jun 2009|11:30pm] |
I came in with my frame, tools, and trusty lonestar 12 pack in hand.
(and bag, usually id drop it al, i believe work has improved my balance and such )
straight outa work and freshly baked
i have to say i felt pretty good hanging my hat up
home to my sweet Sweets, expecting Aerogarden and all the things that make me happy.
little things make me happy.
my apartment is filling
also its pretty pimp driving home, sippin sweet sweet Shiner through a straw
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[18 Jun 2009|11:38pm] |
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[17 Jun 2009|12:40pm] |
what a fucking idiot.
him for being the way he is,
and i for taking it for so long.
for what fukn reason?
just because he claimed to care.
ever given someone a chance and had them spit it in your face?
i am too god damn gullible.
said one thing, and i gave him the benefit of the doubt even though all the actions say otherwise.
when you care about someone you keep your shit under wraps.
sometimes love is knowing your crazy but trying your best to not let it affect the ones you love.
you know what fuck that bullshit
i was an idiot for believing it,
and id be an even bigger one if i really thought there was another way of looking at it.
no puedo creer que tome ese abuso.
deveradas que las mujers ( o personas en general) podemos ser tan pendejas.
i guess its been a lot worse for other people,
and it could have been a lot worse for me.
at least i get to walk away relatively unscathed.
and i know that the poor fool is worse off than me.
however,
the only real thing i feel is discomfort.
for the way he had to go about things.
being drunk is never an excuse.
In any which case..
"My grandmother, confessed to me once, that before she'd ever let herself become deeply involved with a man, she'd make sure to get him drunk. Maestra claims you can never know who a person really is unless you've seen how they behave when under the spell of Bacchus. It's a hard and fast rule with no exceptions: a bad drunk will make a bad husband. Or wife, for that matter. Sobriety, for some people is a thin and temporary disguise."
Good Riddance
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[17 Jun 2009|12:39pm] |
my moms visiting
shes on her way as i speak
i wake up at 1
after reluctantly watching the sun come up
remember i misplaced my phone and ran to Nicoles to try and find it
tried to break into the house haha but then lizzie finally woke up
anyway,
i couldnt find it
i come back home.
and it was on my kitchen counter
i tried turning it on
to no avail
just a white screen
i was confused and was thinkig wtf
why do my phones always fuck up
i didnt even do anything this time.
then i remembered oscar saying "take the battery out quick!"
i forgot i had dropped it in the toilet
i already had to charge it all fuqxd up
ugh
fuck my life
i dont deserve to have a phone
geez and last night was a good one,
smething that i havent had in a long ass time
but noooooooo
i cant just come away from it with a mild hang over like any other normal person
i have to get fucked over somehow
god damnit.
besides that, watching robby knevil jump 4 semis was alright
mostly i just thought i was gonna have some sort of heart attack
with the loud ass fucking gunshots and fireworks
and hot ass humidity
my bikes
coming along
the 21st co op party was fun
interesting
mermermer
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[30 May 2009|12:13pm] |
i wake up with a lump in my throat
go to sleep with a lump in my throat
come home to nothing
leave for nothing
i have everything
and nothing at all
had really great girlfriends
found out they were crazy
left for boys
or just flipped out
i hung out with the guys
thought they were simpler in a good way
found out i was wrong about that too
theyre all the same
people are only looking to getting fucked and fucking over/
i wont be sexist
ill blame it on america//
no one gives a shit
no one gives a rats ass
i really believe friendship is an illusion
some more halfbaked than others
some are pretty good
but everything has a breaking point
i wonder why ive spent so much time
building my tolerance
resisting resent
holding on hope
tolerance to peoples fluxes
mild understanding and acceptance of what is lost
i have tolerance
i have understanding
i know to not pass judgement
its too complex to ever understand
but ive got to have the lowest breaking point
other people for me.
ive had friends ditch me bcuz of my boy decision, even though id never pick a boy over them.
ive had friends ditch me for boys
ive had people ditch me because i remind them of someone
ive had people ditch me because i wont be owned
ive had friends ditch because i wont put out
as soon as the going gets tough people are sure to bail.
no matter what youve weathered for/with them.
i dont understand how, for all the compromises ive made. all the bullshit ive tolerated. all the times ive put myself in someone elses shoes.
noones ever done the same.
how is it that i am 19 years old and i do not even have a best friend?
i mean, i think i can be kinda neat.
i come off as pessimistic at time,
but youll never meet a more hopeful one.
im just dying to be proved wrong
but no one steps up to plate
i think i have a lot to offer
i think i have a lot to share
and i think i can teach you somethings
and id like to learn from you
so why am i so alone?
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